Faith Deconstruction: Trading Convictions for Better Questions

In a previous blog, I shared about my journey to find a more integrated faith. In this blog, I talk about the process of faith deconstruction that led me there. It was a long windy road that took years. Nevertheless, I am grateful for every mile traveled.


Imagine your car breaks down. Because you don’t have the money to buy a new one, you decide to fix it. However, you do not know any mechanics. You still need a mode of transportation and bikes are out of the question. That is when you decide to fix the engine yourself. Your first step is taking the engine apart, piece by piece, inspecting to see what can be wrong with it. After this long process, you are now ready to put the engine back together. Yet, to save time and effort, you decide to let go of the parts that are broken and those that are unnecessary. Instead, you rebuild it a leaner version of the original to ensure you are able to have a working car to take you from point a to point b.

That is what faith deconstruction looks like.

It is a long and laborious process of taking beliefs apart, inspecting what may not serve you any longer. Seeing the good and the bad and choosing to retain only what is needed for the journey ahead.

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

A Personal Story

Deconstructing one’s faith is not for the faint of heart. I confess this was a task I dared not engage in for years. Why? In one word: fear. I was afraid I would lose my bearings, my sanity, my identity, my community, the respect of my loved ones, my very purpose of being. On top of that, of course, there was the fear of eternal damnation. That small nagging feeling that even if there was a 1% chance of being true, that was enough not to risk it. Forget it, there was much to lose, too many uncertainties on the other side and after all — things were not that bad on this side. At least, so I thought.

I wasn’t like I woke up one day and said: “Now I am ready to deconstruct my faith!” Like for many that underwent this process, it was a combination of events, disappointments, and irreconcilable situations that thrust us into the tempestuous sea of doubt. For some, it was the death of a loved one. To me, it was the death of a dream. Yes, in every story of faith deconstruction, there is death involved.

This is the way.

I have written before about my pain and disappointment. Suffice it to say that at every turn doors closed and it became painfully clear that my vocational path would lead elsewhere. It wasn’t just about vocation but also about identity, meaning, and deep disappointment with Chrisitians’ attitude in the public square. Yes, you guessed it: Trump, treatment of LGBTQ, authoritarianism, and other unfortunate events.

Revisiting Old Certainties

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

If I was going to move further, I had to let go of some convictions. Like screws in an engine, they must first loosen up before we fix anything. One key conviction was my view of the Bible. In my childhood faith, the Bible was the ultimate authority and source of all truth. It was never to be questioned only to be submitted to. While this may have saved my European ancestors from Papal oppression, it has now become the foundation for dogmatic thinking and stifling perspectives. Re-visiting my view of the Bible was a key step in the journey of faith deconstruction.

The change went deeper than that. It meant letting go of certainty and inviting doubtful faith. My childhood faith taught me the blessed assurance was beyond doubt. Letting go of this perceived security was a hard thing to do. It begged the following: if the Bible is no longer the source of ultimate authority, then what is?

For years I had no answer to this question which was why I also stood paralyzed in this conundrum. On the one hand, I knew that placing this amount of faith in the letter of the Bible was no longer viable. On the other, I did not see any alternative that could adequately replace it.

Leaping into Untethered Faith

Would my experience now be the arbiter of truth? I am not that smart or spiritually enlightened. That, I knew for sure so it had to be elsewhere. Would science be the new source of authority? It was also a problematic choice given the evolving nature of scientific inquiry. What we know now can really change in the next discovery. What then?

It was then that instead of trying to answer the question, that I encountered a new question: What if there is no absolute authority to hang my belief in? What if I will never really know for sure? The implications were terrifying but also surprisingly freeing.

Even so, they did not require a simple change of perspective. Instead, they call for a leap of faith. It was more like a jump into untethered belief. A certainty that even though I could not articulate an ultimate authority for my faith, that faith was real nevertheless. Not just that, but there was a trust that there was higher power on the other side to catch me. This is not a rejection of God but an acceptance that God is much more we can describe or experience.

The place of encounter is where God lives – no other assurances are needed.

The Mystical Qubit: How Quantum Computers Inspire Christian Spirituality

AI Theology is about integrating different ways of thinking. Not just that but reflecting deeply on experiences even more than ideas or technologies. In this blog, I reflect on my spiritual journey looking for ways in which technology can help explain what at first seems unexplainable. Can that be so? In this post, I introduce the mystical qubit, how Quantum computers can help us understand Christian Mysticism.

Intrigued? Read on.

Christian Mysticism

My introduction to Christian Mysticism came in seminary. I honestly did not know this was a “thing.” My evangelical upbringing taught me that mysticism belonged to New Age and spiritists and had no place in the “true” religion. That is kind of ironic because as I reflect on my charismatic experiences of my youth, they turned out to be, well…quite mystical. 

Some definitions are in order. After all, what do I mean by Christian Mysticism? Author Carl Coleman offers us this description:

Christian Mysticism is the spiritual encounter with a sacred mystery that cannot be put into words, but may be embodied through feelings, conscious awareness, experience, or intuition – or even through darkness or unknowing.

In short, it is the secret sauce of spirituality. The experiential unexplainable that has drawn billions of souls to religious practices through the millennia. It is often what we mean when we say we have had a spiritual experience. 

To me it was less of a discovery but more of an unveiling. It was an awakening to recognize that throughout my life, I have practiced a type of CM. As I mentioned in the first paragraph of this section, my charismatic background is steeped in mysticism. I first encountered it as an 11 years old boy, while praying with a friend out in nature. That was when I had a deep connection with the divine reality, one that would carry me through the many valleys of doubt I would go through in the following years. 

Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

Quantum Computers as a Metaphor for Integrality

I imagine by now you have heard about Quantum computers. If not, suffice it to say that they are the next generation of computing that will revolutionize hardware for decades to come. In short, it uses Quantum mechanics to run calculations more efficiently than traditional computers. This increased capacity will open the way to a myriad of opportunities in AI and simulation currently not possible.

At its core, Quantum computers look at information differently. Traditional computers process information in bits. These bits are gates, or switches if you will, with two possibilities: 0 or 1. A bit can be either 1 or 0 at a time and the combination of these switches to the billions and trillions is what allowed our current revolution in digitization.

Quantum computer’s foundational unit is the qubit. Different from the traditional bit, it can be 1, 0, or both. Due to the phenomenon of superposition, the bit can simultaneously be 0 and 1.

Don’t think too hard about how that works as it is likely to give you a royal headache!

The point is, unlike traditional bits, the qubit is not either-or but both-and. In its foundational measure of foundation, it can hold different signals simultaneously without forcing them to resolve to one or the other.

Quantum computing is the non-dual thinking computer!

The Mystical Qubit

We inhabit a binary world where people and things are forced into either-or categories. There is simplicity and comfort in that. When translated into religious thinking, this creates the in-and-out dynamic of faith groups. A big driver of the Christian theological enterprise has been in the service of classifying “who is in” and “who is out.”

The allure of binary thinking is self-evident. It brings clarity and direction for areas that once seem complex and intractable. It is not that binary thinking is useless. However, it can be very counter-productive when it prematurely forces conflicting ideas to resolve. Here is the gift of the mystical quibit.

A mystical perspective is able to hold conflicting ideas without resolving them. This does not just apply to ideas but also how we perceive each other. The mystic does not rush to judge the other prematurely. Instead, she is able to contemplate the full complexity of the other being: seeing their beauty and shortcoming as a whole.

When we are able to hold each in the graceful gaze that is free from judgment, then we move closer to God. That’s the power of the mystic qubit and how quantum computers help us understand Christian Mysticism.

Losing My Religion to Find an Integrated Christianity

In the last six months, I have written primarily on AI ethics and AI for good in the AI theology portal. In this piece, I would like to turn inward. Rather than providing informative pieces that keep the pulse of AI developments, I would like to dive deeper into a theological reflection of my spiritual experience – more theology, less AI. In this blog, I share about the journey of letting go of militant convictions to find an integrated Christianity.

A Holistic Spirituality

Encouraged by my western upbringing, I tend to compartmentalize spirituality separately from the rest of my life. On the one hand, I had my spiritual life consisting of practices like prayer, studying, and worship. On the other hand, I managed the remainder of life through analytical rational forms, trying to balance the competing demands of being a father, husband, professional, and citizen. I knew these two parts were interrelated but found it difficult to integrate them. It invited too many questions often making good fodder for deep thinking but little impetus for action. And so, I carried on with an internal spiritual life while also responding to external circumstances brought by my many roles in society.

Photo by Willian Justen de Vasconcellos on Unsplash

Thankfully, this dynamic began to shift in the last few years. I have written before about my journey out of church life. In this wilderness, I have encountered companions that helped me show the way to a more integrated Christianity. I am far from mastering it but I am content to become an avid disciple under its vast wisdom. When convictions wane and certainties loosen up, we can finally receive the gift of the new. That is, the new wine of an integrated spirituality can only arrive in the new wineskins of an open heart.

What does that integrated spirituality look like? I really didn’t have words until recently and in this piece will attempt to flesh it out for others. This is in no way an authoritative description of an emerging Christianity. It is, however, anecdotal evidence that an Christian spirituality can thrive outside of the confines of organized religion. I hope you find it useful to your journey.

Shedding a Militant Worldview

The move to a more holistic spirituality could not happen without leaving some old convictions behind. One of those that I was happy to shed was a militant dualistic view of the world. One of the most destructive theological fallacies of the last two centuries was a marrying of dispensationalism with political conservatism. That is, the first one filled believers with fear of imminent doom. The second one mistook Capitalism for Christianity. The mix created the insidious Christian nationalism that mistakes global cooperation with the mark of the beast.

Photo by Maxim Potkin on Unsplash

In practice, what that meant to me was that the Christianity I was raised in was often punctuated by a need to fight real and imaginary enemies. Our spiritual practices were part of a military mobilization for the kingdom of God – as if Jesus needed an army of freedom fighters (or terrorists) to bring his kingdom to earth. Spiritual warfare was an indirect way to address the social anxiety of losing cultural influence.

This militarism also made me suspicious of any mystical experience outside the very narrow acceptable definitions imposed by evangelical orthodoxy. That is, they have to be “biblical,” lest they be an opportunity for the enemy. In this militarized focus, many were hit by friendly fire. Spiritual experiences, especially those of rival Christian denominations, that deviated from an arbitrary “biblical” norm, became a threat. This in effect closed me off from going deeper into Christian tradition so I could learn more from the mystics. After all, when you are a part of the church that will usher Jesus’ return, you have no need to learn from history. 

Integral Christianity

As my journey moved away from the centers of official Christendom, I grew increasingly isolated. Thankfully, I recently learned about the Integral Christian Network. That was when I discovered mystical Christianity anew. 

Reading books, studying movements, and discussing their implications are all helpful ways to learn. They are, however, poor substitutes to experiencing spiritual practices in community. This is how any faith is best transmitted and preserved through generations. So, while I have had my share of studying Christian mystics from the past and even read their important writings, joining an ICN Wespace allowed me to go a step further. 

This Zoom facilitated small group has allowed me to encounter a supportive group to explore mystical Christianity unbounded by the militant restrictions of my upbringing. I confess I was scared and at times skeptical. The talk about spirit guides and speaking with angels made me uncomfortable at first. As I pressed forward, I received an inner affirmation that the Creator would be there to prod me from error. As I get to know a bigger God, the fear of error diminishes. That is when I am free to fly. 

Conclusion

The movement from dualism to mystical openness did not happen overnight. Instead, it came from a long process of dying and being born anew with the help of others along the way. In an integrated Christianity, I don’t claim to have found a new orthodoxy to hang my hat on. I am only here to report what my experience has said. It is neither authoritative nor meaningless.

Yet, I do hope that by learning about my experience you can look to your own. The path for spiritual growth will rarely look the same for two individuals but thankfully we can always learn from each other. And that is why I leave you with a final question:

Where is your spiritual journey leading you to?


This post is a snippet from a larger article I published at medium.

Alexa Goes to Church: Imagining a Holy AI for Modern Worship

Can artificial intelligence be holy?

The very question of holy AI calls to mind certain images that raise our anxiety: chatbots offering spiritual advice or pastoral care; an artificial minister preaching from the pulpit or presiding at Communion; a highly advanced AI governing our lives with the authority, power, and mystery reserved for God alone.

It’s not surprising that we instinctively shrink back from such images. Artificial intelligence is still so new, and advancing so rapidly, that finding the proper categories to integrate it into our faith can be a major challenge.

But if we’re willing to entertain the idea that AI can be holy, doing so can help us imagine new possibilities for using AI faithfully in our churches and spiritual life. It can show us the potential of AI to be a constructive partner with people of faith in shaping our spiritual lives, bearing witness to God’s grace in the world, and loving one another.

Photo by christian buehner on Unsplash

What Is Holiness?

It’s important to begin with a clear understanding of holiness in the Bible and Christian tradition. Holiness in its most basic sense means set apart for God. The Hebrew word for holy, qadosh, has a root meaning of “separate,” indicating the boundary separating the everyday, the human realm from the sacred, divine realm. To be holy is to be separated—set apart—for God.

Throughout the Bible, we find a broad range of things designated as holy:

  • Places (the Tabernacle, the Temple, Mount Sinai).
  • Times (the Sabbat, various holidays and festivals).
  • People (the people of Israel, the Israelite priests, prophets).
  • Objects (the Ark of the Covenant, the menorah or lampstand, and the other instruments of worship in the Tabernacle).

These examples are from the Old Testament, but a look at Christian practice today shows that Christians recognize a similar range of holy things, though the specifics vary depending on one’s particular tradition:

  • Places (sanctuaries, holy sites such as the Church of the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem).
  • Times (Sunday, holidays like Christmas and Easter).
  • People (ministers, priests, bishops, elders).
  • Objects (altar, the chalice and patin used in observing Communion).

Holiness does not make something inherently better or more worthy in God’s sight. Rather, designating a person or object as holy often signifies and expresses God’s care and claim for all. So, the Temple is a holy place where God’s presence is especially intense and most keenly felt, but this does not mean God is absent everywhere else. On the contrary, at the Temple’s dedication, Solomon says, “But will God indeed dwell on the earth? Even heaven and the highest heaven cannot contain you, much less this house that I have built!” (1 Kings 8:27). God’s presence at the Temple signifies God’s presence throughout the whole earth. In the same way, God calls the Israelites a holy people, while affirming that all people belong to God: “Indeed, the whole earth is mine, but you shall be for me a priestly kingdom and a holy nation” (Exodus 19:5-6). The designation of the Sabbath as a holy day is a way of ordering all of our time in a way that honors God as the Creator of all that exits.

The existence of a holy artificial intelligence in this sense—that is, set apart for God in a special way—would not mean that only this AI belongs to God or serves God. Rather, a holy artificial intelligence would signify and express that all artificial intelligence belongs to God and finds its proper orientation when directed toward God’s purposes. Seen in this way, recognizing a holy artificial intelligence seems not only permissible but imperative. Identifying an artificial intelligence as holy, and recognizing it as such through specific practices, can teach us to envision how all artificial intelligence—and all the human energies and hopes it represents—belongs to God.

Photo by William Farlow on Unsplash

Holy Artificial Intelligence

One way to think of holy artificial intelligence is as a tool or instrument—in this case, a complex piece of technology—created by humans and used in worship. The Tabernacle and its furnishings described in Exodus 25-40 make for a good comparison: the Ark of the Covenant, the menorah or lampstand, the incense altar, even the curtains and tent posts that served as the Tabernacle’s structural elements and walls.

These items were created by humans, highly skilled at their craft, at God’s initiative and direction. God gave specific instructions to Moses, and the narrative repeatedly tells us that the workers built everything “as the Lord had commanded Moses.” The artisans exercised great care in creating them, expressed in the detailed, step-by-step account of their construction in Exodus 36-39. The Tabernacle signified God’s presence in the midst of the Israelites, and its furnishings and tools facilitated the people’s worship of God.

It requires a bit of imagination to envision ways in which artificial intelligence might serve similar purposes in Christian worship today. A few possibilities present themselves for holy AI:

  • An automated program to turn on lights, music, or other dimensions of a sanctuary’s atmosphere as a way of preparing the space or guiding the order of worship. The algorithm might work at pre-set times, or in response to other input such as facial recognition, number of people in the sanctuary, or verbal or physical cues from a worship leader. Such a program might tailor the worship atmosphere to feel more intimate for a smaller gathering, or grander and more energetic for a larger body of worshipers.
  • An automated program might offer a repeated portion of a litany or prayer, responding to specific cues from the congregation or minister. Such cues might be verbal, such as a particular word at the end of the congregation’s part of the litany, or physical, for instance in response to the congregation standing, kneeling, or making a particular gesture. A program used in a digital worship service might collect and respond to input through social media.
  • A self-driving vehicle might bring people to worship, helping worshipers prepare for the worship experience before arriving at the church. The AI might respond differently to different individuals or to different worship experiences. Upon detecting a family with young children, the vehicle might play kid-friendly worship music with brightly colored lighting, while it would play something quieter and more meditative for an adult individual.

Conclusion

Others will no doubt think of more and different possibilities, or find dilemmas with the possibilities mentioned above.

I will end with a final point of emphasis. Recognizing an AI as holy, something set aside for God, is different from simply using it in a holy or worshipful setting. There should be ways for the worshiping community to recognize its status.

Specific procedures to use during its development or activation, such as prayers or Scripture reading, would be one way to acknowledge its status as holy—for instance, saying a special set of prayers throughout the development or programming of the AI, or using certain programming processes and avoiding others. There might be a liturgy of dedication or short worship service for when the AI is activated or used for the first time in worship. Social media feeds or a virtual environment might allow the congregation to digitally “lay hands” on the AI as a part of the service. Another, similar liturgy or service could accompany its deactivation or replacement.

The key is not reducing the artificial intelligence to a purely functional role, but providing a means for worshipers to recognize and express God’s initiative and their own response in setting it apart for a holy purpose. The means to accomplish this should engage both the congregation and the AI in appropriate ways; should invoke God’s presence and blessing; and should be surrounded by a theological narrative that illuminates how and why it is being set apart for a holy purpose.

Such a way of identifying and acknowledging AI as holy is an invitation for the worshiping community to consider that all AI are a part of God’s creation, and can be directed toward God and God’s purposes in the world.


Dr. Brian Sigmon

Brian Sigmon is an acquisitions editor at The United Methodist Publishing House, where he edits books, Bible studies, and official resources for The United Methodist Church. He has a Ph.D. in Old Testament Studies from Marquette University, where he taught courses in the Bible and theology. Brian finds great joy in thinking deeply about the Christian faith and helping people of all backgrounds deepen their understanding of Scripture. He lives in Kingston Springs, Tennessee with his wife Amy and their three children.

How is AI Hiring Impacting Minorities? Evidence Points to Bias

Thousands of resumes, few positions, and limited time. The story repeats itself in companies globally. Growing economies and open labor markets, now re-shaped by platforms like Linkedin and Indeed, a growing recruiting industry opened wide the labor market. While this has expanded opportunity, it left employers with the daunting task to sift through the barrage of applications, cover letters, resumes thrown in their way. Enters AI, with its promise to optimize and smooth out the pre-selection process. That sounds like a sensible solution, right? Yet, how is AI hiring impacting minorities?

Not so fast – a 2020 paper summarizing data from multiple studies found that using AI for both selection and recruiting has shown evidence of bias. As in the case of facial recognition, AI for employment is also showing disturbing signs of bias. This is a concerning trend that requires attention from employers, job applicants, citizens, and government entities.

Photo by Cytonn Photography on Unsplash

Using AI for Hiring

MIT podcast In Machines we Trust goes under the hood of AI hiring. What they found was surprising and concerning. Firstly, it is important to highlight how widespread algorithms are in every step of hiring decisions. One of the most common ways is through initial screening games that narrow the applicant pool for interviews. These games come in many forms that vary depending on vendor and job type. What they share in common is that, unlike traditional interview questions, they do not directly relate to skills relevant to the job at hand.

AI game creators claim that this indirect method is intentional. This way, the candidate is unaware of how the employer is testing them and therefore cannot “fake” a suitable answer. Instead, many of these tools are trying to see whether the candidate exhibits traits of past successful employees for that job. Therefore, employers claim they get a better measurement of the candidate fit for the job than they would otherwise.

How about job applicants? How do they fare when AI decides who gets hired? More specifically, how does AI hiring impact minorities’ prospects of getting a job? On the other side of the interview table, job applicants do not share in the vendor’s enthusiasm. Many report an uneasiness in not knowing how the tests’ criteria. This unease in itself can severely impact their interview performance creating additional unnecessary anxiety. More concerning is how these tests impact applicants with disabilities. Today, thanks to the legal protections, job applicants do not have to report disabilities in the interviewing process. Now, some of these tests may force them to do it earlier.

What about Bias?

Unfortunately, bias does not happen only for applicants with disabilities. Other minority groups are also feeling the pinch. The MIT podcast tells the story of an African-American woman, who though having the pre-requisite qualifications did not get a single call back after applying to hundreds of positions. She eventually found a job the old-fashioned way – getting an interview through a network acquaintance.

The problem of bias is not entirely surprising. If machine learning models are using past data of job functions that are already fairly homogenous, they will only reinforce and duplicate this reality. Without examining the initial data or applying intentional weights, the process will continue to perpetuate this problem. Hence, when AI is training on majority-dominated datasets, the algorithms will tend to look for majority traits at the expense of minorities.

This becomes a bigger problem when AI applications go beyond resume filtering and selection games. They are also part of interviewing process itself. AI hiring companies like Hirevue claim that their algorithm can predict the success of a candidate by their tone of voice in an interview. Other applications will summarize taped interviews to select the most promising candidates. While these tools clearly can help speed up the hiring process, bias tendencies can severely exclude minorities from the process.

The Growing Need for Regulation

AI in hiring is here to stay and they can be very useful. In fact, the majority of hiring managers state that AI tools are saving them time in the hiring process. Yet, the biggest concern is how they are bending power dynamics towards employers – both sides should benefit from its applications. AI tools are now tipping the balance toward employers by shortening the selection and interview time.

If AI for employment is to work for human flourishing, then it cannot simply be a time-saving tool for employers. It must also expand opportunity for under-represented groups while also meeting the constant need for a qualified labor force. Above all, it cannot claim to be a silver bullet for hiring but instead an informative tool that adds a data point for the hiring manager.

There is growing consensus that AI in hiring cannot go on unregulated. Innovation in this area is welcome but expecting vendors and employers to self-police against disparate impact is naive. Hence, we need intelligent regulation that ensures workers get a fair representation in the process. As algorithms become more pervasive in the interviewing process, we must monitor their activity for adverse impact.

Job selection is not a trivial activity but is foundational for social mobility. We cannot afford to get this wrong. Unlike psychometric evaluations used in the past that have scientific and empirical evidence, these new tools are mostly untested. When AI vendors claim they can predict job success by the tone of voice or facial expression, then the burden is on them to prove the fairness of their methods. Should AI decide who gets hired? Given the evidence so far, the answer is no.