In a previous blog, I discussed the role of prophetic models in guiding world leaders to respond to this crisis. Here, I go to a more personal level, addressing the temptation of denial in a time of crisis. This is one of the pandemic lessons I dare not ignore. I confess this is by far my strongest tendency when the going gets tough. My first reaction is not to fight or flight but simply freeze. I retreat inwardly shielding myself from the suffering around me.
This time, with God’s help, I must do differently.
A Global Initiation Rite
Father Richard Rohr offers a provocative perspective for this pandemic. Skirting away any suggestions that this is God’s punishment on humanity, instead he sees it as a global rite of passage. It is a collective experience of suffering aiming to mature us by reminding us of our frailty. This perspective emerges from his in-depth study of male initiation ceremonies, a global phenomenon where elders teach young boys the deep truths of their culture.
As he studied these rituals, he learned they contained recurring core messages. In short, they aimed to convey the following to its initiates:
- Life is hard.
- You are not that important.
- Your life is not about you.
- You are not in control.
- You are going to die.
Read this list again and pause for a moment.
In a time of greater gender equality, it is fair to ask why girls did not go through these types of ceremonies. I do not know for sure but I would venture to guess the feminine life had more natural ways to initiate them. When you are raised to serve and groomed to endure child-birth, these messages have a way of coming to you naturally. Till this day, it is usually men who need to get smacked around a bit to learn these truths lest they think too highly of themselves and, God forbid, run for president.
Going back to our time of crisis, what would this perspective mean? At the heart of it, I believe Father Rohr is inviting us to embrace this period as an opportunity for personal growth that we experience as a global community. We have all unwillingly entered this rite. Let’s receive it as an opportunity to re-center, reset and re-orient inwardly and toward each other.
When wedded with meaning, suffering can produce beautiful fruits of virtue, love and wisdom.
Memories from a Previous Crisis
When this pandemic started, it reminded me of a previous global crisis I went through. Almost two decades ago, I was a senior in college going about my business when two planes crashed into the WTC Towers in New York. That crisis hit close to home because my brother lived in Manhattan at the time and I immediately feared for his life. Thankfully, he survived unharmed even if traumatized by that horrific experience.
What I remember, however, was not the shock or concern but a persistent attempt to mentally distance myself from that reality. Once I learned my brother had survived and had a chance to see him, I jumped right back into life. I refused to spend hours watching the news from it. I never reflected on what that meant for the world or even how that could affect me. Life had to continue as planned. Nothing to see here.
In fact, I remember being bothered that my routine of classes had been disrupted. Even as my brother was a survivor, I made no attempt to connect with the pain of those in New York and of the nation in general. I didn’t even reflect theologically on it. I filed under the category of “bad people do bad things,” and that was that.
Regrettably, I missed the opportunity to enter into that global rite of initiation, share in the suffering and learn from its wisdom. I went through it and came out the the other side unchanged.
From Denial to Engagement
I decided this crisis was too important to waste. That is when I am looking for ways to step away from avoidance and denial into active engagement. One surprising gift of this time has been a flourishing in my writing. If before the crisis, I had to come up with ideas for blogs, now I can’t finish these ideas fast enough. I am still limited by the realities of shelter in place and therefore have not published significantly more. However, I sense my voice coming through more clearly.
Another practice is to contact loved ones that are far. I have done a lot more of that than I used to. Now there is the realization we couldn’t travel to see each other face-to-face. Then, the Skype or Zoom screen becomes more bearable, more cherished and all the more real. It is life-giving to see each other eyes even if it is through a 2 dimensional screen.
Finally, I have grown to empathize more with others. Gone is the usual habit to shelter myself from bad news. This is a global experience and we are all being impacted by it. There is no escaping. Even social media, in its best days, has become a true place of encounter where we sing, cry, laugh and share our sheltered lives. Whether it is through photos, tweets, videos, memes and music – they multiply and amplify our shared humanity.
This is not to say that I wake up every day cheering on the opportunity to face the unknown. There are dark days of sadness, exhaustion, anger, denial or incipient disconnection. This is a crisis after all, one that we did not choose nor one we can simply turn off when it gets uncomfortable.
Surprising gifts often come intertwined with painful losses. Hope emerges wrapped in fear for the future. Love appears in the ever threat of rejection.
Hence I invite all, in this time of social distancing, to resist the temptation of denial through generous acts of engagement.
