It all started very quietly and hidden. It felt as if it was a world away.
Who could have known that a tiny, unwelcomed intruder could change everything so abruptly?
Who could have known that everything that I had faith in, all I was working for, everything that I envisioned for the future, could change in a matter of days?
I remember coming home from a job meeting. There details were exposed about the challenges the company would be facing inevitably, as the crisis was spreading throughout the country. All the fatalities, numbers and percentages were running through my mind as if a pandora box had just been opened. I honestly hadn’t considered what was going on till then. I sat down on my bed, trying to get a hold of sanity as if she had run for a coffee break.
“What could happen? What could change? Will I get infected, will I infect others?”
“God, will I die?”
I remember feeling claustrophobic and not knowing for sure if I had ever felt that way. I felt my heart racing, the pressure made my chest ache. I felt the walls closing in. My comfortable bedroom turned into a “quarantine confinement”. I hadn’t felt this anxiety for years. I had long forgotten what it felt like and how my body reacted under so much pressure. The longer I questioned myself of my own safety and if I had washed my hands before entering the room, the more made me expectant of inevitable doom. I led myself to outrageous conclusions.
I had let fear take control.
Until I heard the faintest voice whisper inside of me:
“Why do you fear? Have I ever once left your side? If I haven’t, why would I now?”
Hot tears started to melt from my eyelashes while I felt the warmest feeling.
For years anxiety had been a constant pain, sometimes would come without warning, making me question through raggedy breaths everything I believed in. Always making me wonder: “Am I loved? Am I safe? Will things be better? “
Through the years I had learned that trusting God with my future would cost me everything, but in return he would embrace me with peace, love and courage. Anxiety would pass by, but I felt rooted. Truths that could not be shaken held on to me. I learned that even though I would feel weak at times, all I had to do was take one step at a time. Close my eyes. Count to ten. Remember all the precious things in life I cherished, and let him take control.
Everything was under control, I had it all planned out. My week was perfectly squeaky organized. Procrastination had taken a terrible blow that month until a huge pandemic turn of events forced me to change things a bit. It made me look into myself more intently. It made me appreciate my family, my wonderful grandparents that inspire me to constantly reinvent myself into greatness. It made me even more sure of the decisions I had made until now, and made me wonder if I could make wiser decisions for tomorrow.
STAY HOME, STAY SAFE!!
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Lidia Krüger Braconnot is an adventurer and a storytelling enthusiast. Having lived in many different places, she now lives in Brazil, where she is an English teacher for all ages. She is 21 years old with a dream of expressing in beautiful detail what life is about, hoping to reach out to people in a comical and lighthearted way.
