In the last six months, I have written primarily on AI ethics and AI for good in the AI theology portal. In this piece, I would like to turn inward. Rather than providing informative pieces that keep the pulse of AI developments, I would like to dive deeper into a theological reflection of my spiritual experience – more theology, less AI. In this blog, I share about the journey of letting go of militant convictions to find an integrated Christianity.
A Holistic Spirituality
Encouraged by my western upbringing, I tend to compartmentalize spirituality separately from the rest of my life. On the one hand, I had my spiritual life consisting of practices like prayer, studying, and worship. On the other hand, I managed the remainder of life through analytical rational forms, trying to balance the competing demands of being a father, husband, professional, and citizen. I knew these two parts were interrelated but found it difficult to integrate them. It invited too many questions often making good fodder for deep thinking but little impetus for action. And so, I carried on with an internal spiritual life while also responding to external circumstances brought by my many roles in society.
Thankfully, this dynamic began to shift in the last few years. I have written before about my journey out of church life. In this wilderness, I have encountered companions that helped me show the way to a more integrated Christianity. I am far from mastering it but I am content to become an avid disciple under its vast wisdom. When convictions wane and certainties loosen up, we can finally receive the gift of the new. That is, the new wine of an integrated spirituality can only arrive in the new wineskins of an open heart.
What does that integrated spirituality look like? I really didn’t have words until recently and in this piece will attempt to flesh it out for others. This is in no way an authoritative description of an emerging Christianity. It is, however, anecdotal evidence that an Christian spirituality can thrive outside of the confines of organized religion. I hope you find it useful to your journey.
Shedding a Militant Worldview
The move to a more holistic spirituality could not happen without leaving some old convictions behind. One of those that I was happy to shed was a militant dualistic view of the world. One of the most destructive theological fallacies of the last two centuries was a marrying of dispensationalism with political conservatism. That is, the first one filled believers with fear of imminent doom. The second one mistook Capitalism for Christianity. The mix created the insidious Christian nationalism that mistakes global cooperation with the mark of the beast.
In practice, what that meant to me was that the Christianity I was raised in was often punctuated by a need to fight real and imaginary enemies. Our spiritual practices were part of a military mobilization for the kingdom of God – as if Jesus needed an army of freedom fighters (or terrorists) to bring his kingdom to earth. Spiritual warfare was an indirect way to address the social anxiety of losing cultural influence.
This militarism also made me suspicious of any mystical experience outside the very narrow acceptable definitions imposed by evangelical orthodoxy. That is, they have to be “biblical,” lest they be an opportunity for the enemy. In this militarized focus, many were hit by friendly fire. Spiritual experiences, especially those of rival Christian denominations, that deviated from an arbitrary “biblical” norm, became a threat. This in effect closed me off from going deeper into Christian tradition so I could learn more from the mystics. After all, when you are a part of the church that will usher Jesus’ return, you have no need to learn from history.
Integral Christianity
As my journey moved away from the centers of official Christendom, I grew increasingly isolated. Thankfully, I recently learned about the Integral Christian Network. That was when I discovered mystical Christianity anew.
Reading books, studying movements, and discussing their implications are all helpful ways to learn. They are, however, poor substitutes to experiencing spiritual practices in community. This is how any faith is best transmitted and preserved through generations. So, while I have had my share of studying Christian mystics from the past and even read their important writings, joining an ICN Wespace allowed me to go a step further.
This Zoom facilitated small group has allowed me to encounter a supportive group to explore mystical Christianity unbounded by the militant restrictions of my upbringing. I confess I was scared and at times skeptical. The talk about spirit guides and speaking with angels made me uncomfortable at first. As I pressed forward, I received an inner affirmation that the Creator would be there to prod me from error. As I get to know a bigger God, the fear of error diminishes. That is when I am free to fly.
Conclusion
The movement from dualism to mystical openness did not happen overnight. Instead, it came from a long process of dying and being born anew with the help of others along the way. In an integrated Christianity, I don’t claim to have found a new orthodoxy to hang my hat on. I am only here to report what my experience has said. It is neither authoritative nor meaningless.
Yet, I do hope that by learning about my experience you can look to your own. The path for spiritual growth will rarely look the same for two individuals but thankfully we can always learn from each other. And that is why I leave you with a final question:
Where is your spiritual journey leading you to?
This post is a snippet from a larger article I published at medium.
